Salvar a princesa do dragão...

This is the situation: there’s a beautiful princess trapped in a castle
watched by a dragon. Here’s the end of the story with different styles of
metalheads as knights.

POWER METAL:The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from
the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted
forest.

THRASH METAL:The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess
and fucks her.

HEAVY METAL:The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a
few beers and fucks the princess.

FOLK METAL:The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions,
violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because
of all the dancing). Then they all leave… without the princess.

VIKING METAL:The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his
mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals
her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL:The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess
and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL:The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and
impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the princess, and drinks
her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to
the dragon.

GORE METAL:The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads its guts
in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead
body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for
the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

DOOM METAL:The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks
he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon
eats his body and the princess as dessert. That’s the end of the sad
story.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of
26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at
the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he
learned in the last year at the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for
the “HEAVY METAL” protagonist.

GLAM METAL:The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s
appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make-up and tries to
paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

NU METAL:The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to
fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch
fire.

GRINDCORE:The protagonist arrives, screams something completely
undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves.

INDUSTRIAL METAL:The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes
obscene gestures towards the dragon and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by
security guards.

EMOCORE:The protagonists’ mother drives the protagonist and his friends to
the castle. He kills the dragon with some awesome armspinning and spinkicking
while his friends observing the scene with their arms crossed; then the princess
laughes at the protagonists ridiculous hairstyle and the boys leave
weeping.

PUNK:The protagonist hitchhikes to the castle, asks the dragon for some
bucks, buys some cans of beer, gets pissed, insults the princess as “monarchist
cunt” and “commerce bitch” and leaves the castle in a black maria.

PORNO GRIND:The Protagonist arrives at the castle without any clothes on
and grunts loudly for a few minutes. Then he fucks the dragon in every body
cavity it has, kills the dragon, fucks the carcass the same way again, grunts
loudly again for a few minutes, grabs the princess and fucks her in every body
cavity she has, kills her and fucks her in the same way again. Then he piles up
the dragon’s and princess’s remains, fucks them in every body cavity they have,
grunts loudly and screams senselessly for a few minutes. Then he leaves.

POP ROCK:The protagonist arrives in a limo. The dragon lets them in as long
as they sign an autograph for its mum who is a big fan. The protagonist leaves
with the princess and they get married.

GOTHIC METAL:The protagonist arrives along with a cold wind of winter in
the middle of the night, frustrates the heck out of the dragon untill it dies of
fear and desolation, comes to the princess and discusses how to clean make- ups
without inflicting skin irritation.

METALCORE:The protagonist swings his feet and arms about wildly, accidently
knocking the dragon out. Then he storms off in anger that someone messed up his
dance routine.